Staying Hopeful
Last Monday, July 9th, I went in for yet another procedure. Instead of going under the knife again we opted to do Uterine Fibroid Embolization instead. The doctor went into my radial artery in my left wrist, traveled to the rapidly growing fibroid invading my uterus, and clotted off the arteries that supplied it. This option only required two weeks out of work and wasn't quite as painful as I had imagined it would be.
Now, that morning didn't start out great for us at all. Shortly after arriving and getting prepped the Nurse Practitioner came in with a huge smile on her face to tell us the "good news". She said, "Congratulations! You're pregnant!" Of course, I immediately responded with a "You're kidding, right?". To which she replied, "No, your HCG test came back positive. It's early in the pregnancy." That's when I explained to her that I had been bleeding for three days and that I always miscarry around five to six weeks into my pregnancies. I barely got that out when I started to cry and had to bury my head in the warm blanket that was wrapped around my right arm to get my veins to pop.
Long story short, they took another blood sample and I was no longer pregnant. I could have gone on with my life not knowing about yet another miscarriage. It's frustrating and simply adds to the hopelessness I frequently feel.
To add to this hopelessness, last night I received an email informing me that the six children I had hoped to adopt were now matched with a different family. While I am overjoyed they found a family it also leaves me a bit hopeless again. Up to this point in our adoption journey I hadn't found any sibling group that I felt was right for us. I certainly did not get attached to any other sibling group.
So, I prayed for the parents for those sweet six children asking God to help them to love those children and provide for their every need.
I will not look at more children until we are completely finished with the process. I just can't get my hopes crushed again.
Just a little while ago, I saw a post on Facebook. This is so much like our story: Couple adopt 6 kids after struggling with infertility: 'Hope will never fail you'
And I leave it at that... Hope will never fail us.
Now, that morning didn't start out great for us at all. Shortly after arriving and getting prepped the Nurse Practitioner came in with a huge smile on her face to tell us the "good news". She said, "Congratulations! You're pregnant!" Of course, I immediately responded with a "You're kidding, right?". To which she replied, "No, your HCG test came back positive. It's early in the pregnancy." That's when I explained to her that I had been bleeding for three days and that I always miscarry around five to six weeks into my pregnancies. I barely got that out when I started to cry and had to bury my head in the warm blanket that was wrapped around my right arm to get my veins to pop.
Long story short, they took another blood sample and I was no longer pregnant. I could have gone on with my life not knowing about yet another miscarriage. It's frustrating and simply adds to the hopelessness I frequently feel.
To add to this hopelessness, last night I received an email informing me that the six children I had hoped to adopt were now matched with a different family. While I am overjoyed they found a family it also leaves me a bit hopeless again. Up to this point in our adoption journey I hadn't found any sibling group that I felt was right for us. I certainly did not get attached to any other sibling group.
So, I prayed for the parents for those sweet six children asking God to help them to love those children and provide for their every need.
I will not look at more children until we are completely finished with the process. I just can't get my hopes crushed again.
Just a little while ago, I saw a post on Facebook. This is so much like our story: Couple adopt 6 kids after struggling with infertility: 'Hope will never fail you'
And I leave it at that... Hope will never fail us.
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